How To Dominate Your City In 10 Easy Steps


Thought Catalog

1. Make friends with at least one bartender at each of your top 3 favorite bars.

This will make you feel cooler. Feeling cooler helps you make friends. Enjoy the rush of being popular.

2. Have a contact at every nice restaurant within a 10 mile radius of your apartment/house.

This has two benefits: 1) Great Service. 2) If you need to get out of a bad date, you can signal your restaurant agent to come over and say “Excuse me. Ms./Mr. *BlahBlah*, your friend/aunt/cousin/uncle/grandma/sibling/emergencycontact/roommate has called the restaurant three times trying to get ahold of you because they knew you wouldn’t be paying attention to your phone on a date.” Duh. You are a crazy polite person. This allows you to leave for approximately 5 minutes and come back with “I am so sorry to do this, but I have to go.” Leave them money. It’s the nice thing…

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